Keeping the pace - Writing

Exemplar 1:

On the street, day time. Leg’s run along the pavement. They are Mark Renton’s. Just ahead of him is Spud. They are both belting along. As they travel various objects, ( pens, tapes, CD’s toiletries, ties, sunglasses and so on)

either fall or discarded from inside their jackets. They are pursued by two hard looking store detectives in identical uniforms. The men are fast, but Renton and spud maintain their lead. Suddenly, as Renton crosses a road, a car skids to halt, inches from him. In a moment of detachment Renton stops and looks at the shocked driver, then at Spud, who has continued running, then at the two men who are closing in. He smiles.

He stood there thinking, of ways to get out of this problem. Renton looks behind him seeing that the detectives were only five steps away. One of the detectives reached out his hands to grab the collar of Renton's T- shirt. Renton panic he sprinted as fast as he could, dodging the beeping cars. He raced through the streets trying to get away from the detectives, not caring who was in front of him. Up a head Spud was pumping his legs, jumping over food stalls and pushing people over.

“ You got to catch up” yelled Spud.

As he looked backed seeing that Renton was having trouble getting away from the detectives.

Spud could hear angry voices behind him. He could hear the angry shouts coming from the people he pushed.

Renton was a fair distance away from the detectives his heart was beating rapidly in his chest. All of a sudden Renton heard someone scream, ahead of him not watching where he was going Spud crashed into a angry woman who was just about to cross the streets. Spud stumbled hard, hitting his head as he fell to the ground. One of the detectives ran ahead of Renton seeing this was the only opportunity to catch Spud. The other detective ran to Spud with cuffs in his hand trying to get him to stand up. Renton took a deep breath, as the detectives were to busy talking to Spud they forgot about Renton. Renton didn't waste any time and sprinted away from the detectives not caring that Supd was hurt. Renton ran to the corner of the streets thinking that he was going to get away but there were two cops cars waiting for him. He couldn't turn back.

They caught him.  

Here is a writing task that my teacher Mrs Anderson had set up for us. The purpose of this task was to learn how to keep the pace when a writing a narrative. We chose two exemplar writing's exemplar one and exemplar two and we had to carry on the rest of the story by keeping the pace. I chose exemplar one because for me I think that one was more interesting.